YuGiOh HappySuperFuntimeVegasAdventureExtravaganza
by Chibi-Vicki-san
Summary: By the power of Friendship, Yugi and his friends travel to Vegas. This fanfiction sucks but please review it!
1. The prelude to chaos

YuGiOh! Happy Super Fun time Vegas Adventure Extravaganza!! Characters: Yugi Moto- innocent, stupid, 14-year-old boy Yami- Yugi's Yami (dark side) Tea- Yugi's annoying friend Joey- Yugi's stupid best friend Tristan- Yugi's stupid friend Bakura- innocent, stupid, 14-year-old, British boy Yami Bakura- Bakura's not so innocent Yami Marik- slightly innocent, 14-year-old, Egyptian boy Yami-Marik- Marik's evil dark side (Yami), who is bent on world conquest and destruction Grandpa- Yugi's grandpa  
  
Disclaimer: What you are about to read is a true story..... The names have not been changed...... SCREW THE INNOCENT.... Ok, I don't own Yugi-Oh! or the city of Las Vegas...yet. My disclaimer was also stolen from Crank Yankers..... sigh Why do I have no originality? (Chibi-Vicki-san sobs in corner for two hours) sob Okay! Let's go! (Chibi-Vicki-san is all-better!) J  
  
It was a dark, stormy night in the suburbs of Domino City... The rain was an endless sheet of water. The biting cold and falling water looked more and more depressing as Grandpa gazed out the window, anxiously awaiting the return of his grandson, Yugi, his only means of companionship after the rest of the family "disappeared". "Damn it looks cold outside," Grandpa said. "I hope Yugi and his friends come home soon. Maybe then...then I wouldn't feel so bad." Grandpa glanced at the newspaper. There had been another wave of the kidnapping of elderly men by a previous offender, ex- millionaire, Maximillion Pegasus. These "grandpa grabbings" had gone unnoticed by most, but Grandpa still lived in fear that it might happen to him again. Plus, his grandson was so stupid (I know this sounds harsh, but it's true.) he was afraid that young Yugi would get snatched by a rare hunter, a member of a ruthless gang that jacks people up for Duel Monster cards...Though the thought of the disappearance of Yugi did seem to provide a little happiness, Grandpa realized he needed Yugi as much as Yugi needed mental help-I mean, um help from friends. After all, Yugi was the only one brave enough (and stupid enough) to go into the Dreaded Basement of the Game Shop Where They Live to turn on the heating. Grandpa shivered alone, awaiting his grandson's return.  
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Grandpa rushed to the door with his shotgun; he wasn't risking another grandpa grabbing. With the great speed of a not elderly person, he whipped open the door, and pointed the shotgun directly at the stranger. "Put your god-damn hands up, mother fucker!" Grandpa yelled. "Gramps, it's just us!" said a panicked Joey. "Yeah!" said Tristan and Bakura. "See Grandpa, it's only us!" scolded Tea, "And look at what you did to Yugi!" Grandpa looked ashamedly at his grandson, who was cowering in fear behind an "occupied" fire hydrant. "Grandpa!" yelled Tea, "We're your friends, and friends don't hurt friends because friendship is a-" Pain in the ass when you talk about it, thought Grandpa. Tea continued to preach while Grandpa observed a dark-skinned stranger in the shadows. "Umm...Joey, who's that?" asked Grandpa, ignoring every word Tea was saying. "Oh! That's Marik! He just got out of jail for trying to conquer some crappy nowhere town called Baltimore..." explained Joey. Just got out of jail, thought Grandpa, He could be a grandpa grabber. They were usually punks who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, kids who hung out with the wrong crowd and had fallen from grace, or drug addicts looking to make a couple of bucks on the Grandpa Black Market to fuel their drug habit. (Yes, there is a Grandpa Black Market.....a lot of people need a father figure in their lives and all the young men are either drug dealers, sex sellers, or Grandpa givers...Anyway..) And from the looks of his eyes... piercing purple eyes with tiny pupils. Not to mention the heavy mascara that seemed to be surrounding them. Grandpa moved closer to Joey. "Are you sure he's not a prostitute or a cross-dresser?" asked Grandpa hopefully. "No, but he is one of them Ra-hovah witnesses. He believes in an Egyptian deity called the Winged Dragon of Ra," explained Joey. "Right....well I think we should come in out of this rain, okay?" suggested Grandpa. A unanimous 'Okay!' sounded from everyone except Tea, who was still preaching about friendship. "Um...Tea?" asked the Young Yugi, trying to gain the attention of his annoying friend. "...And further more, the Bunny Empire of the Kitty-tron Universe, made of love and fuzz, do not point shotguns at friends!" she finished proudly. "...Yeah," said Tristan, who had successfully blocked out the whole sermon with the slightly less annoying Celery Song. "She preached about the kitties and poof puffs on fuzz ball mountain who love each other all the day long and frolic in Gum- Gum forest with the magical squirrels made of love and fuzz! proclaimed Bakura. "I found it quite inspiring, didn't you Marik?" "I will kill you if you ever say that again," said the pissed off stranger. "What?" asked Bakura innocently. "About the love and -" Marik pulled out his handy, dandy shotgun and aimed it at Bakura. "Uh... right, sorry," said Bakura, slightly disheartened. Marik smiled and put the gun away. Hmm, thought Marik, I think I like guns very much. "...Right," said Grandpa. "Why don't we go inside?" The children filed into the card shop as Grandpa cautiously followed behind. Meanwhile, in a labyrinthine soul room...  
Three counterparts were engaged in deep conversations. "Wow, Yami Marik," began a deep voiced man who resembled Yugi, "Your good side is an asshole!" "Yes, I know, Yami," replied Yami Marik with pride. "I raised him well." "Well, at least he isn't a wussy," stated Yami Bakura, "like some people's hikari's." He threw an accusing glance in Yami direction. "He's not a wussy!" exclaimed the ex-pharaoh. "He's...um... just more...cautious than the other boys." "Cautious my ass!" exclaimed Yami Bakura. "He just ran from his Grandpa and cowered behind a fire hydrant for ten minutes...crying." "Umm... well... your hikari's gay!" yelled the frustrated Yami. "Prove it," said Yami Bakura coolly. "Uh...um...shut up.....bitch!" cried Yami. Yami Bakura gasped. "Did you hear that, Yami Marik!" he cried. "He called me a bitch!" "Well, what am I supposed to do about it?" said a pissed Yami Marik who was torn from his thoughts about the prices of weapons of mass destruction on eBay. ".....Make him stop," Yami Bakura whined, "because it's mean." "Look," started a super pissed Yami Marik. "Why don't you get your little faggy hikari to beat the shit out of his wussy hikari, AND BOTH OF YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"... I have business to attend to." Yami Marik turned to the laptop that Marik got him for Super Ra Present Happy Monkey-Fried Chicken Day. (Ra-hovah witness religious holiday) "Now," he asked himself, "how do I get porn..."  
The rain continued to pour, keeping poor Grandpa trapped inside the game shop with Yugi's...unusual friends. The boredom got intense as Marik pulled out his laptop and accessed the internet for...important reasons. Bakura, for reasons unknown, insisted that Joey and Tristan play strip poker with him. Grandpa and Tea watched a boring cartoon about children collecting strange creatures called "pokemon." Hmm, Grandpa thought, battling monsters that use magic, people trying to steal them, and trying to master their power. What a stupid idea. Everyone was bored. However, Yugi was quite entertained with a piece of bologna that Grandpa gave him two minutes ago, in exchange for shutting up. Two seconds later, Yugi was bored. "I'm bored," sighed Yugi. "Wanna go to Vegas?" he questioned hopefully. "NO!" came a resounding reply from everyone with a trace of common sense. (Tea and Bakura just stared blankly into space) "How about now?" asked Yugi. "NO!" replied everyone. "Oh," sighed Yugi remorsefully. "....Now?" he asked again. Grandpa had enough. "Damn it, Yugi!" he began fiercely; "If you don't shut up, I'm a take my belt and shut you up!" A horrified Yugi ran over to the nearest person for comfort and began to cry in his arms. "Get off of me you sniveling coward," growled Marik. Yugi blinked at him innocently. "Why can't we go to Vegas?" he said between sobs. Everyone stared at him, feeling slightly guilty for crushing the young boy's spirit. "Well," began Grandpa, "it would cost too much. And besides, I'm saving up to send you to boarding school- I mean Disney Land!" "But couldn't you make up the money by working longer shifts at the game store?" said Yugi, failing to notice the blatant fact that the game store hadn't had a paying customer since Yugi was nine years old. "Poor Yugi," Tea sighed, "I remember when I was a boy, full of hopes and dreams." Everyone stared at Tea. Everyone except Marik, who after removing the little pest from his personal space, continued to surf the internet. He was getting bored...until a strange pop up ad caught his eye. "Want to conquer the world and see plenty of naked women?" read Marik to himself. "It's like they have a window into my soul!" exclaimed Marik with delight, ignoring Yugi's question 'doesn't a naked woman look like a naked man?' The tension mounted as Marik clicked on the ad and waited for the next page to upload. "Damn it!" exclaimed Marik "why didn't I go for the high speed internet when I had the chance? I knew I shouldn't have let my Yami send him to the shadow realm." Yugi and Bakura gasped. "You turned down high speed internet?" "Shut up, Yugi," said Bakura. "You said you have a Yami?" he asked Marik curiously. "Yeah," replied Marik. "He's evil like me!" "Right. Yugi and I have A Yami too," stated Bakura "Yup!" added Yugi. "Mine is cool because he lives in a puzzle!" "What's so cool about that?" asked Joey, followed by a 'yeah?' from one of our favorite losers. "The puzzle is over 5000 years old!" exclaimed Yugi with pride. Everyone stared at Yugi with blank expressions. "Gramps, are you sure Yugi wasn't dropped on his head as a child?" inquired Joey. "Yeah?" added Tristan. "Only five times," began Grandpa, "but I tried to knock some sense into him so that would make about 39." "Shut up," growled Marik, "It's finally showing up!" Everyone gathered around the laptop as Marik read the screen aloud. "If you want world conquest and to see-" Marik stopped abruptly. "Alright! Which one of you fags touched my butt!" he screamed as he turned around with his pocketknife. No one moved or spoke. Bakura just silently blushed. "Alright, stay quiet!" growled Marik. "Because when I find out who it was I'm gonna-" "Marik, the computer thing," said Grandpa, backing away several feet. "Oh, right. If you want world conquest and long to see naked women," Marik began. "Uh, I think you got click on the icon there," added Joey. "Yeah," added Tristan. "No shit, Sherlock," growled Marik as he followed the obvious directions. "...fulfill your dreams," began Marik, "by going to Vegas?" "Yay!" shouted Yugi. "Now can we go to Vegas?" "Hey, Tristan" began Joey slyly, "If we go to Vegas, we could score big time." "Yeah..." replied Tristan with a stealthy smile. "Oh..." started Yugi slyly. "But Tristan, you don't need to go to Vegas to score. You can always get good Duel Monster Cards right here!" Everyone stared at Yugi; everyone except Grandpa who was busy, hiding his face in shame because of his grandson's stupidity. "So how 'bout it, Grandpa," began Marik in a malicious tone. "Take us to Vegas." "I-I'm sorry Marik," stuttered Grandpa, "but I don't have-" The doorbell rang. "Quick kids! Get behind the counter!" yelled Grandpa as he reached for his shotgun. "Put your god-damn hands up, mother fucker!" he shouted again as he ripped open the door and took aim at the stranger. "Ahhhhh!!!" screamed a man with balloons. He wore a tacky suit and held a giant check, which was unfortunately broken in a brief moment of terror. "I'm sorry," Grandpa said sweetly as he lowered his weapon. "Can I help you?" "Sure can!" replied the stranger cheerfully. "Is Grandpa around?" "This is he." "Well, I am proud to inform you that you are the winner of the Editor's Clearing House Sweepstakes!" exclaimed the stranger. "Unfortunately, your giant check was broken in half and the cameramen ran down that dark alley, therefore this will not air on television and you don't win the one million dollar cash prize!" Grandpa felt like taking the shotgun to his own head, until the stranger continued. "In the event that a contestant's giant check is broken and cannot be cashed-" "Wait a minute," Grandpa interrupted. "You mean the giant check is not for show and it actually has value?" "In this story it does!" replied the stranger. "Anyway, we would like to present you with seven plane tickets to Las Vegas! Congratulations!" yelled the stranger as he ran off into the night. "Thank you!" Grandpa called after him. "Please don't press charges!" He re- entered the Card Shop and informed his guests it was safe to return. "Oh, thank goodness!" exclaimed Joey. "It was cramped back there and I could have sworn something touched my butt." No one said anything to this remark; Bakura just blushed silently. "Everyone," began Grandpa, "I have an announcement to make." "You're rich?" asked Tea. "You're dying?" wished Marik. "You've won seven tickets to fly to Vegas so we all can go and have a really fun time?" asked Yugi hopefully?" Grandpa quickly counted the occupants of the room. He left the room with his conveniently placed flamethrower and returned with six tickets and what appeared to be ashes on his clothes. "Actually, Yugi," began Grandpa, "I only uh, have six tickets which I'm afraid expire by midnight. Also, I need you to uh,...not go because I um, I have a...surprise for you in Vegas?" "Really?" asked Yugi, full of hope. "Is it a fluff bomb supreme magic pony X- series? I hope it is!" "Uh yeah, sure, whatever. Any who, I have to take your friends away from you- I mean to Vegas to get the thing!" lied Grandpa. "And if you come with us, the surprise will be ruined! So you stay here, Okay?" "Okay! Have fun!" said a very stupid grandson. "Well, let's go!" said Joey. "Yeah!" added Tristan. "By the way Bakura," began Joey, "We stopped playing strip poker a while ago. Can I have my pants back?" "Oh, um right," blushed Bakura as he relinquished the pants; however, he was not looking at Joey but at another person in the room... The strange group left the Card Shop, while Yugi sat alone in the dark, smiling.  
"What are you so happy about, Yugi?" said a familiar voice his head. "Well, Yami," he replied, "Grandpa and my friends are all going to Vegas to bring me a surprise!" Yami was speechless: he knew his hikari was dense, but this was ridiculous. "I can't take it anymore!" exclaimed Yugi. "Yami, I have to know what the surprise is!" "I agree, but how are we going to get to Vegas? Your grandfather bur- I mean never had another plane ticket so we cannot go." "Hee hee hee," grinned Yugi. "There is more than one way to get to Vegas." "Really? How do you plan to do that?" "Oh, I have a plan..."  
--Ten Minutes Later--  
"Hello? Anyone?" whined Yugi hopefully. "Someone? Please, give me a ride!" whined Yugi hopefully. He was now standing on the side of a dark freeway with his thumb out and a cardboard sign. "Hitch hiking...." began Yami. "This was your master plan! NO ONE IS GOING TO STOP AN-" Yami stopped mid sentence as a black limousine pulled over to the side of the road where Yugi was standing. A black haired stranger exited the vehicle. He wore a sparkling black silk shirt, matching silk pants, and black shoes that were so shiny, if you looked at them on a sunny day, the glare would most likely blind you. "Hey, mister!" Yugi exclaimed, "Will you give me a ride?" "Sure," replied the stranger in a calming, almost feminine voice. "You're headed to Vegas, right?" "How did you know?" gasped Yugi, forgetting that the large sign he held read 'Vegas or Bust' in large red print. "I'm headed to Vegas too," began the stranger as he re-entered his limousine. "You can ride with me." "Sweet! My name is Yugi Moto, what's yours?" "You can call me Michael. Come on in; little boys like you are fun!" "OH DEAR GOD, YUGI, GET AWAY FROM HIM!" Yami screamed in terror, but it was too late, Yugi had already entered the limousine.  
To be continued... Chibi Vicki-san: I hope you've enjoyed my...unique enlightened vision of Yu- Gi-Oh! Don't worry; they'll get to Vegas....soon. Anyway, send reviews- praise, constructive criticism, death threats, anything! Look for more stuff by me next year or so because I am lazy!!  
Credits Writers and Creative Consultants: Angel, Chibi Vicki-san, Neko, and Psychotic 101 OBEY THE ANGELIC OVERLORD!!! Um I mean, good-bye! 


	2. Raunchy Love Roulette

Chibi Vicki-san: Hello everybody! I, the wonderful pure hearted angel of love... Neko: I, the all flirtatious, queen of the damned, slutty Egyptian cat/person... Angel: I, the queen of all cuteness who's really really cute^o^... Psychotic 101: and I, the mistress of all darkness, evil, and psychotics... MWAHAHA!! Chibi Vicki-san: will now convey the second part of the epic saga that is- Everybody: The Yu-Gi-Oh! Happy Super Fun time Vegas Adventure Extravaganza!! CVS: (heh heh my initials spell the name of a drugstore...heh drugs...oh crap I'm thinking on the paper again!) I mean first we must hand out thank yous- (Tre looks up hopefully) Neko: To those who actually deserve them. Tre: I'm still getting one, right? Angel: Heh heh, right. CVS: First, I would like to thank Psychotic 101, whose love for Shadi made this story possible. P101: I'm going to kill you when we get to school. CVS: Whoops! I'm sorry, that's Noah you like. P101: Mommy! Where did you put my chainsaw? CVS: Next, I would like to thank Neko- Neko: Yes! Yes! Thank me very much. So when do I get to %*@# Marik? CVS: When I'm done-uh I mean eventually. Neko: What did you do to my man?! (pulls out a flame-thrower) CVS: (backs away slowly) Uh....right. Finally, I would like to thank Angel. Angel: I'm her inspiration!! I don't even remember why! giggle CVS: Because everything you said was morally wrong over the millions of years I've known you, I put it all in this story. Next, we'd like to give a shout out to all of our friends, some people at a certain Lutheran school and everyone else we know. Everyone in unison: EXCEPT FOR TRE! Tre: Fine, whatever. (drives off in a Cadillac) Neko:(flips him off) Yeah, like I care. P101: That's okay, Neko. (Revs chainsaw) I have a plan. CVS: Right! Let's go!  
  
Chapter 2: Raunchy Love Roulette  
"Flight 292 for Vegas now landing."  
"Oh thank Ra! exclaimed Marik. He detested flying coach, especially with such nitwits. The seats were all cramped and his headphones stopped working, causing him to miss the end of "The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood," a film that truly touched him. If the technical difficulties weren't enough, he had the misfortune of sitting between Tea, an airsick female, (or was she?) and Bakura (need I say more?). The only thing that helped him to keep his sanity was his laptop, the very device that got him into this mess in the first place. "That is the last time my Yami gets me to search for porn," Marik growled under his breath as he headed for baggage claim.  
"Uh, miss?" asked the security guard when Marik arrived. "Uh excuse me, sir?" he asked again as Marik glared at him with a piercing stare. "What do you want, insolent worm," replied Marik, pissed because again his gender had been mistaken. "It's just that...you have to go through the metal detector," pleaded the security guard. "And why should I listen to you," growled Marik. "W-well it's just to see whether or not you have a gun or a weapon," said the guard uneasily. Marik leaned in closer. "If I had a gun with me," he began angrily, "you wouldn't still be here. Now let me pass before I-" Marik stopped abruptly as he felt a hand around his wrist. "Come now," said an innocent British voice, "wouldn't want to be separated from the group, dear, would we?" "What the fuck are you up to, Bakura?" growled Marik under his breath. "Uh...um...who are you, miss?" asked the guard uneasily. "Oh, my name's not important, but I'm his girlfriend, and he's my fiancée," replied Bakura nonchalantly. "And we've already passed through security, thank you." You are so lucky I left my gun and pocket knives in the card shop, thought Marik. "Oh, well I'm very sorry, sir," said the security guard as he moved closer to Marik. "By the way," he whispered, pointing at Bakura, "does she have a sister?" "Don't make me kill you," scowled Marik. "Come, honey, we have to be going now!" Bakura rang out cheerily. "Yes...........dear.............." said Marik, clenching his teeth as they walked away. Meanwhile, in a soul room...  
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yami was right!" roared Yami Marik in uncontrollable laughter. "He's not gay," stated Yami Bakura, "he's was just helping his friend in need...yeah." Yami Bakura said this not only to defend his hikari, but also to reassure himself of what he thought was the truth. Maybe it is taking a toll on his mental well being, he thought to himself. It would explain the strange thoughts that his hikari had transmitted to him by accident. I want you bad. Yami Bakura shuddered. Another one of Bakura's random thoughts had seeped its way into his conscience. "I know it is wrong," Yami Bakura thought, "but it feels so right." "What feels so right?" interrupted Yami Marik. "What!" screamed Yami Bakura. "How can you read my thoughts?" "I can't. You said that out loud." "Uh..........no I didn't." "Yes, you did," claimed Yami Marik. "Uh....no I didn't...and you should forget what I thought...and did not say...or think for that matter. "Right," began Yami Marik. "So what did you do that felt-" "Look! A bunny!!" yelled Yami Bakura in a desperate attempt to distract him. "Where! WHERE!!" screamed Yami Marik. "Bunny must die! BUNNY MUST DIE!!" he yelled as he searched for his flame-thrower. Yami Bakura sighed with relief. In a limousine on an interstate highway... "Twenty bottles of non-alcoholic beverages on the wall, 20 bottles of non- beer! You take one down, pass it around-" "Yugi, will you quit that infernal singing!!" screamed the tortured Yami. He had been riding in a car with Yugi and Yugi's new friend Michael for hours, and he was on the brink of suicide to put himself out of his misery. "I can't help it!" Yugi said to Yami in his head. "I'm just so excited! Once we get to Vegas, Grandpa will give me his surprise! I can't wait!" God, he's stupid, thought Yami to himself. Maybe that's because it is affecting his mental well being. But I can't give that up because- "What are you thinking, Yami?" said Yugi in his head. "Uh...nothing!" Yami replied, rather startled. "Now go back to your song or something." "Nah. That's getting kinda old. Michael decided we should play a new game!" "Oh, what's that?" asked Yami, relieved that the punishment was over. "Twister!!" "Oh, God, no! Yugi!!!" screamed Yami, but it was too late; the spinner had been spun and Michael uttered the words 'right hand red.' Meanwhile...  
Grandpa sat alone at the Taco Bell at the airport. He was quite content: He had no annoying kids bothering him....especially his grandson. He just sat there, calm and peaceful with his evening paper. However, he felt slightly uneasy; there was a stranger at the counter eating a gordita. He had sharp yellow eyes and short blue hair. He wore all black, except for a large trench coat with spikes. Every now and then, he would stare at Grandpa with hungry eyes, which seemed pretty strange seeing as he was calmly devouring his thirty-seventh gordita. Grandpa became even more frightened when he glanced at the paper, and saw the stranger's description under the list of most wanted grandpa grabbers. "Hey, Gramps!!!" screamed a familiar voice. "Whoa! What the fu-" started Grandpa. "Oh," he sighed. "It's just you, Joey." "What about us!" demanded Tea. "Yeah!" added Tristan. "Oh...um..yeah, hi," said Grandpa. "I know I'm gonna regret this, but where are your friends, Marik and Bakura?" "Oh you mean us?" asked an innocent British voice. Bakura and Marik entered the McDonald's- P101: You said Taco Bell. CVS: Uh...no I didn't. P101: Yes you did! CVS: Um...uh......Look! A bunny! P101: Where! Bunny must die! CVS: Right, anyway....  
Bakura and Marik entered the Taco Bell in the most unusual fashion: Bakura skipped in gleefully, holding Marik's hand while Marik dragged his feet, looking both disturbed and pissed. "What happened to you, Marik?" asked Joey in a sly tone. "Yeah," added Tristan. "I'd rather not say-" began Marik as Joey and Tristan began to snicker. "I'd rather not say, because then I'd have to kill you," said Marik menacingly. Joey and Tristan shut up.  
Grandpa smiled. Everything was nice and peaceful without Yugi. Now if only I could get rid of Tea, He thought to himself. "Come on kids," he began, "we're going to miss our ride to the casino!" Everyone cheered. Everyone except Marik, who realized that however they drove to the casino, he would have to sit next to Bakura. Bakura grabbed his hand and smiled at him. Marik shuddered. They all filed out of the restaurant. The blue haired stranger followed.  
-"I wish I could touch more than his hand."  
Yami Bakura shuddered. His hikari had accidentally transmitted another one of those random thoughts to his mind. Yami Bakura was even too panicked too come up with a witty retort as Yami Marik kept taunting him about his hikari's sexuality. "My Ra!" Yami Marik exclaimed. "How could you possibly think you're hikari isn't gay?" "I know he isn't," stated Yami Bakura. "He's..uh.. just using the buddy system! You know, so they don't...uh...get lost! That's a pretty big airport." Once again, Bakura was trying to reassure himself. It was a good thing, he thought, that Yami Marik can't hear those thoughts. The random thoughts of passion that plagued Bakura's mind. Yami Bakura shuddered. In a limousine on a state highway....  
"Hee hee!" Yugi giggled. "Michael, we're all twisted up in knots!" Oh God, kill me now! pleaded Yami to himself. "Yugi, I don't think you should be playing twister with.....him." "Why not?" Yugi innocently said to Yami. "Well....uh...because boys...and stuff....and..um...yeah," stated Yami uneasily. He then proceeded with a long explanation that involved birds, bees, salmon, streams, mayonnaise, sandwiches, and the fusion dance. (However, I shall not repeat it because I myself am still traumatized.) "You understand, Yugi?" inquired Yami after his talk was finished. "Huh?" said Yugi. "I don't get it." "JUST STOP PLAYING TWISTER!!!!!!" screamed Yami. "Oh! You don't have to worry about that anymore. You see," Yugi began, "playing twister made us really sore, so we quit." "Thank God!" sighed Yami with relief. He shuddered. Usually, when things seemed right, they always had a way of going wrong. "What are you going to do now?" he asked slightly nervous. "Simple! Since we're both sore," began Yugi, "Michael suggested we take a dip in his hot tub!" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Yami. But then, he had a revelation. "Yugi, you can't go into the hot tub," he began slightly relieved, "because you don't have any swimming trunks!" "Oh, that's okay. Michael keeps a stock of speedos in his limo, and he has many in my size!" Yami stood in shock. "Yugi, I'm going to take a long walk off a short pier in cement shoes and a blindfold; if I'm lucky, I'll see you in Hell." "Silly goose!" Yugi exclaimed as he slipped into the hot tub. "We're almost at the casino!" Caesar's Palace Casino-Las Vegas  
Grandpa's limousine pulled up to the casino, which stood in the middle of the illuminated Vegas strip. The casino was massive-unbelievably gigantic. It was truly worthy of the name palace. "Whoa!" exclaimed Joey as he gazed at the sights. "Yeah....." said Tristan in awe. "Look at all the lights, Marik!" exclaimed Bakura. "Aren't they beautiful?" "Yeah," Marik began. "It reminds me of an orphanage I set on fire-" Marik stopped abruptly. As much as he would have loved to continue his story, a certain innocent British boy began to snuggle up to him, resting his head on Marik's shoulder. Marik shuddered. Try as he might, he couldn't escape Bakura's grasp on his arm, and when he tried to pull away, Bakura would pull harder and lean closer to him. "You're lucky it looks like you're sleeping," Marik whispered in disgust. "Because if I kill you now, I'll surely get convicted and sent straight to jail." Bakura let out a soft moan. Marik shuddered.  
*The current thought of Bakura sent to Yami Bakura by accident is too disturbing, even for us, to print-CVS.* But two minutes later.....  
Yami Bakura backed away from the trashcan he had been hurling in for two minutes, and removed the gun from his head. He could no longer deny it to himself; he knew his hikari was gay. But he could never let Yami and Yami Marik know the truth. He shuddered and began to pace the floor of the soul room anxiously. It was a good thing Yami wasn't here; he would surely rub this in his face. And all because of it!" he thought. Just because I couldn't- "Oh, I was in the bathroom," stated Yami Marik as he re-entered the soul room. "What did I miss? Did the sexual tension become.....tenser?" He roared with laughter at his 'intelligent' remark. Yami Bakura scowled at him. "If you dare accuse my hikari of being gay again," he began, moving closer to Yami Marik, "I will rip out your vocal cords and dine on them for brunch." "Brunch," mocked Yami Marik, "Oooh, I'm so scared." "Yeah!.....Well.......you should...be," said Yami Bakura as he turned away. There is nothing worse than having a hikari like mine, he thought to himself remorsefully. I bet no one in the world has to go through the shit I do. Meanwhile at the casino...  
Yay! We made it!" exclaimed Yugi as he jumped out of the window of the limousine. "Whooo hoo!" sang Michael. "Now let's go find your friends." They walked into the casino hand in hand. As they entered through the doors, the illustrious interior seemed to beckon Yugi closer. The flashing lights of the video poker and slot machines and the sound of poker chips as bets were placed, won, and lost began to fill Yugi's senses. Instantly, he began to feel the excitement and happiness that only money could buy. "Isn't it beautiful?" Yugi sighed in his head to Yami. "Huh? Yeah, sure, whatever," replied Yami. He wasn't too impressed by what he saw; during his reign as pharaoh, he owned ten times as many riches as this casino would see in a year. But there was one reason he liked Vegas better than the musty pyramids of Egypt: The good times with women. In Vegas, there was a fairly good chance that he could satisfy his unending desires, the desires he realized that it could no longer soothe. If only there was a way to escape this prepubescent prison, thought Yami to himself. Then I could truly be happy.... In another section of the casino...  
The odd group made their way to a restroom that was past the blackjack tables, the craps tables, and the numerous roulette wheels. Grandpa was finally in Vegas, but he knew he could not enjoy himself with all those dead weights around. He looked at his group to see who could stay and who should go. Joey, he thought. He's alright. Tristan? Well I guess I could take him. Tea? Hell no! She's too too too perky! If she didn't wear such high shoes, I could just take my hands and wring her little friendship preaching-whoops! Lost the happy for a moment. You're on vacation, Grandpa, get it together. Bakura? No. Some days, I wonder about that boy. Marik? Naw, man! That fool a cut me as soon as I get my Benjamins, yo! Grandpa sighed, how would he get a moment's peace if any of them were around? What a mother... Close to the blackjack table, near the restroom...  
"Where are we going, Michael?" Yugi asked the stranger who was pulling him by the hand. "Oh...nowhere," he replied. "Just to the bathroom to....take care of business." "But Michael!" Yugi protested. "I don't have to go to the bathroom." He turned his head and smiled at Yugi. "That's okay, neither do I." "Well then why are we going?"  
  
"There are other things to do in the bathroom, little boy. I'll be sure to show you how." Yugi froze. He might have been...dense, but he knew in his heart that something was morally, and politically wrong.  
"All right," Grandpa began. "We're going to split up into groups so you don't get lost. Let's see, uh... Joey, Tristan, and Tea will be one group-" "But Grandpa!" Tea protested, "They're icky boys! Can't I stay with you?" "You.. uh... don't want me to answer that," Grandpa answered politely. "Marik, you can go with...um...Bakura." Marik froze. He was already traumatized after Bakura tried to get closer to him in the limousine. And if he remembered correctly, when Bakura 'fell asleep' on Marik's shoulder in the limo, he felt something wet touch his cheek. Suddenly Marik snapped back to reality as he felt someone squeeze his hand. He looked up and saw Bakura smiling at him. "We're going to have lots of fun in Vegas, aren't we?" said Bakura, winking at Marik. Marik shuddered. In the soul room...  
-"The real fun will begin when you become my lover." Yami Bakura screamed out loud. "What was that about?" taunted Yami Marik. "Is the 'buddy system' as you call it beginning to frighten you?" "Shut up," said Yami Bakura, his eyes shining with anger. "Ha ha ha, I'm so scared," Yami Marik teased again. "What are you going to do? Hold my hand?" Yami Marik roared in laughter. "How about I kick your ass!" screamed Yami Bakura. He charged at Yami Marik and knocked him on his back. Yami Bakura grinned sardonically, as Yami Marik rose to his feet. Yami Marik laughed evilly. "Bring it on, bitch." In the casino...  
"Michael," Yugi protested, "I don't think I want to be your friend anymore." Finally, thought Yami. He gained some trace of common sense. But now it might be too late...too late unless I- "Whoa, what the fu-!" exclaimed Grandpa. "Yugi! What are you doing here?" Yugi picked himself up off of the floor, which he fell on after tripping over his shoelaces. (Yes, boys and girls, it can happen. Please remember this during shoelace awareness month -CVS. Heh heh...shoes...I like to kill those -P101:) "Oh, hey, Grandpa!" exclaimed Yugi. "How are you? Did you get my surprise yet?" "How the fuck did you get to Vegas?" said Grandpa, rather astounded. "Oh, I was hitchhiking and I met Michael. He's my...um..special friend." Yugi moved closer to Grandpa. "Grandpa," he whispered. "Help me. He tried to touch my no-no place." Grandpa stiffened. He knew who this stranger was. "Look, you little super freak," Grandpa spat angrily at Michael. "You may think its a thriller to mess around with all the Bens, Billies, Genes, and any other child that's not your son, but if you come near my grandson one more again, I'll cut you like a smooth criminal. Now beat it!"  
  
Michael stared at Grandpa in horror. "I..I didn't mean to g-give him butterflies-" "I thought I told you to leave!" "We-we were just gonna, you know, uh ABC's 123's cause that's how easy-" "You wanna be startin' something?" threatened Grandpa as he moved closer. "No...uh-" "Then why haven't you left?" said Grandpa, clenching his fists.  
  
"Well, you never can say goodbye..." "Get out of my face!" Michael bolted down the corridor in the casino, hopping over blackjack tables while singing one message to Yugi as his voice trailed off in the distance: "You are not alone; I am here with you; though you're- " "Who's bad now, mother fucker!" yelled Grandpa after the popular pedophile.  
  
"Yay!" screamed Yugi. "Grandpa, you're the best!" "Uh...yeah...sure whatever." Back in the soul room...  
Yami Bakura and Yami Marik were still fighting. After Yami Bakura charged at Yami Marik, Yami Marik punched him in the ribs. Yami Bakura lunged at him again, this time grabbing Yami Marik's hair. "Natural blonde my ass!" he exclaimed, after yanking it out from the roots and kicking him away. "Oh, you're going to die, faggot!" screamed Yami Marik, reaching for his Millennium Rod. "What's the matter?" Yami Bakura scowled. "You have to resort to magic, like a pussy?" He grinned sardonically. "No weapons; Just you and me, blondie." Yami Marik smirked. "I'll try not to mess you up too bad; I know you have a taping of 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' to get to. "What's that supposed to mean, Mascara boy?" Yami Bakura growled. "Mascara? At least I don't sit two inches away from the TV every time that Jai guy comes on the screen. AND I DON'T WEAR MASCARA!" "You're right," said Yami Bakura. "Maybe it's Manballine!" "Eat shit, faggot!" yelled Yami Marik, charging at Yami Bakura, knocking him to the ground. "Or would you rather have your hikari suck my dick?" "Leave him out of this! And you can bite my balls!" "No thanks, but I'm sure you're hikari wouldn't mind." "HE'S NOT GAY!" screamed Yami Bakura, charging at Yami Marik and landing a right hook on his cheek. (The one on his face, right? Because the other ones are mine!-Neko) As Yami Marik coughed up a mixture of saliva and blood, Yami Bakura landed a drop kick across his back. Yami Marik crashed to the floor, his face landing in the mixture of bodily fluids from the previous injury. He kicked Yami Marik in his ribs, causing Yami Marik to roll on to his back. With murder in his eyes, Yami Bakura leapt onto Yami Marik, who was quickly losing consciousness. Yami Bakura was about to crush his skull- about to see the mess of blood, bone, and brain- about to end Yami Marik's life with one crushing blow....when the door of the soul room creaked open. "Eww, Yami Bakura," said a familiar voice. "I knew about your hikari's true feelings, but I would have never guessed you were like that too." Back at the casino...  
"Yay! Yay! Grandpa saved the day! Yay! Yay! Grandpa saved the-" "Yugi!" Grandpa began. "If you don't shut up, I'll call him back here." Yugi froze. Wow, Marik thought in awe. If only I could send fear into people like that Grandpa guy does. I'm so jealous. "Grandpa?" asked Yugi innocently. "What?" "Can I be in your group?" "NO! Uh, I mean wouldn't you rather be with your friends Bakura and Marik?" Damn you, Grandpa! thought Marik. And to think, you would have been one of the lucky ones to survive after I- Marik froze as he heard an earth-shattering 'YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!' from Yugi. "Yay! Marik and Bakura, we're going to have lots of fun!" screamed Yugi, eagerly grabbing Marik's hand. "Why do I have to be stuck with such a dimwit and-" Marik paused mid- sentence as a pair of arms reached around his waist from behind. "Don't worry," Bakura whispered seductively into Marik's ear. "As soon as we ditch the dimwit, we can really have fun."  
TO BE CONTINUED CVS: Well I hope everyone, ESPECIALLY THE ONLY PERSON WHO GAVE US A GOD- BLESSED REVIEW, enjoyed this chapter! Angel: Well that's all well and good CVS, but when are we getting to Vegas? CVS: Ahem Our financial account is not in compliance with the essential conditions to travel to Vegas. Since we are not opulent individuals as it were, we are compelled to obtain sponsorship in the subsequent segments of the Yu-Gi-Oh! Happy Super Fun time Vegas Adventure Extravaganza. Everyone else:........Do what now? CVS: We're broke. And since we aren't rich, we have to put commercials in the next chapter to pay for everything. But I still don't know how we can get to Vegas :( (Tre drives by in a Cadillac) Neko: (holding a chainsaw) Uh...don't worry. (looks at P101 and grins) We got it covered. P101: (holding a shotgun and a crock pot) Okay, Neko. You grab him, and then will kill his ass. Then we'll cook him. CVS and Angel: Huh? Neko: Don't worry about it. And if in a couple of weeks some people dressed in blue driving cars with flashing lights ask, you never saw us. Angel: I'm scared.... P101: Well, you should be. Come on, Neko! He's at a red light! CVS: Well look forward to chapter 3, because the wonderful pure hearted angel of love told you- Tre: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! CVS: What was that? Neko: Don't worry about it. P101, he's still squirming! CVS: Right, well 'kay bye!! OBEY THE ANGELIC OVERLORD!! cough wheeze Angel: You should really get that looked at. 


	3. Hot Fun in Sin City

CVS: Hello again! It's me Chibi Vicki-san, along with Angel, Neko, Psychotic 101! We're riding in this nice Cadillac that P101 and Neko found.

Neko: Yeah...we found it...so if anyone asks just tell them that.

Angel: looks at driver's seat Are you sure you want to keep driving, Neko? I'm not sure that big red stain there is safe.

P101: (flashback of her and Neko slicing up Tre with chainsaws) laughs maniacally Uh, don't worry, Angel, that's just...paint. CVS, would you like some...chili... I made?

CVS: Oh! Sure! I'm hungry. (Takes a large gulp) It's tangy! I like the way you used food coloring to make it look like flesh and blood!

P101: (flashback P101: You kill his ass...then we'll cook him!) Uh...yeah, 

CVS: Right...(quickly spits out chili) Well, we're almost to Vegas, so why not continue the story? (For those actually wondering why it hasn't been updated regularly, it's a long drive from where we're coming from) We also have commercials to look forward to! Ready, let's go!

Chapter 3: Gambler's Paradise

Grandpa smiled. For the second time on his trip, he was completely at peace. Everyone had been split up into groups and he was finally alone. "Well, now that that's over with-" he began.

"What's over with?" screamed a painfully familiar voice.

"Yugi! I thought I told you to get!" screamed Grandpa.

"Well," began Yugi, "we don't know where to go. Marik wants to gamble, I want to eat ice cream, and when Marik asked Bakura where he wanted to go, Bakura said all the way. I don't know why, but after that, Marik's eye started twitching, and I got scared. Then we decided to ask you for help!"

"...Do what now?" asked Grandpa thoroughly confused. He looked up and saw Marik glaring behind Yugi. "So, Grandpa," started Marik, "what shall we do?"

In a soul room...

" I can think of a lot of things I want to do with you, Marik."

Yami Bakura screamed in frustration. He sat on top of a semi unconscious Yami Marik, ready to put an end to his life. He would have killed him if it weren't for that random thought of Bakura's. Suddenly the door of the soul room opened. "Eww, Yami Bakura!" exclaimed Yami as he entered the soul room. "I knew about your hikari's true feelings, but I never would have guessed you!"

Yami Bakura got off his prey and kicked him across the room. "If you don't take that back," threatened Yami Bakura, "you'll suffer the same fate!"

"No thanks," said Yami backing away. "I don't want to get raped. So, what'd I miss?"

"You missed me about to kick Yami Bakura's ass!" exclaimed Yami Marik as he rose to his feet.

"Uh...I don't think so," said Yami. "And from the looks of things, you were about to lick it, not kick it."

"You want some of this!" growled Yami Marik.

"No thanks, I don't roll that way."

"So," began Yami Bakura. "Exactly how did you get here?"

Yami regrettably told them how Yugi had traveled by limo with a stranger named Michael. "His last name began with a "J", but I don't remember it for legal reasons," said Yami. "Ahhhh..." replied the two Yamis. He told them the rest of the story. They rolled in uncontrollable laughter. "It's not funny!" screamed Yami.

"Well, well," began Yami Marik, "when it comes to little boys, that singer really likes to beat it!"

"Yeah! Yeah!" started Yami Bakura. "And he really likes to molest little boys!"

Yami Bakura roared in laughter as Yami and Yami Marik just stood there.

"No shit, Sherlock," growled Yami. "I found that out the hard way. Man, we're in Vegas, but we're prisoners in the bodies of pre-pubescent punks. We can't do anything!" The other two nodded in agreement. "If only, just for a little bit, we could escape..."

Back in Vegas...

"So, Grandpa," Marik growled. "What shall we do?"

God I love it when he gets forceful like that, thought Bakura to himself. Damn, he's sexy! (So not to confuse readers, Bakura is actually keeping these thoughts to himself and not transmitting them to his yami by accident. How, you ask? The Power of Friendship, now finish the damn story.)

Grandpa stared at him, then walked over to Marik and Yugi and placed his hands on their shoulders. "You know what," said Grandpa tiredly. "I really don't give a fuck what you do, kids" Out of nowhere, an American flag backdrop appeared and "America the Beautiful" began to play.

"You see, kids," began Grandpa. "Now that we are in Vegas, we are free. Free from the bonds of Standards and Practices, free from consequences. So remember. Remember how your great-grandparents toiled and slaved for your privileges...

Two minutes later...

"And the Easter Bunny didn't always have the right to lay eggs, but in Vegas...

Five minutes later...

"And Kentucky Fried Chicken got the right to become Kitchen Fresh Chicken because in Vegas...

Ten minutes later...

"And that is why you can have all the prostitutes you desire! Because in Vegas-"

The YuGiOh! Happy Super Funtime Vegas Adventure Extravaganza will return after this commercial break.

(Seto Kaiba sits down at a press conference in his battle city clothes and has his usual facial expression. The YuGiOh! theme plays in the background.)

Yami voiceover: Have you ever had an uncomfortable feeling? (close up of Kaiba's face, then shot returns to normal) You know, the strange burning and itching feeling? (close up of Kaiba's normal face) You know, the feeling when it feels like you have a wedgie (close up of Kaiba's face) because you're pants are too tight (close up of Kaiba's face) so you always hide them with an oversized coat (close up of Kaiba's face), or when it feels like you're constipated but you're not because you drink soooooo much prune juice (close up of Kaiba's face) that...well to leave out the gory details, you ain't constipated?

(Scene changes to an oasis where Yami, surrounded by beautiful women, sits on a throne)

Yami: Then you should try Millennium Strength PREPARATION H- for creamy relief with the power of a pharaoh!

Yugi: And it tastes like cherries!

Yami: Oh SH- (screen blanks out)

Kaiba: I am seriously killing my agent.

And now back to the YuGiOh! Happy Super Funtime Vegas Adventure Extravaganza.

"...So go now, my children, do whatever the hell you want," concluded Grandpa, "because I don't give a fuck." The music stopped on cue and the American flag backdrop "magically" faded away. Suddenly, fireworks exploded in mid air. Grandpa looked around. Unfortunately, Yugi, Marik, and Bakura somehow slipped away during his forty minute speech. "Oh well," said Grandpa, as he slipped the special effects guy a fifty. Grandpa looked over in the direction of a young woman sitting at the slot machines. "Well, now that they're gone," began Grandpa, grinning evilly in her direction, "it's time to have some real fun."

Two minutes later...

"Damn! Out of quarters!" screamed Grandpa, banging the slot machine with his fists. "And I was about to hit the jackpot too! All that money-" Grandpa stopped suddenly as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"All that money," began a blue-haired stranger, "is nowhere near what you are worth on the Grandpa Black Market, Mr. Moto." Grandpa recognized the stranger immediately; the blue hair, the shell colored trench coat, decorated with spikes and a skull, and those yellow piercing eyes were all descriptive features of gordita eating stranger from the airport Taco Bell: Vegas' most wanted grandpa grabber.

"Who are you?" said Grandpa, with a slight hint of fear in his voice.

The stranger smiled. "Usually, I don't tell my prey who I am.....but you, Mr. Moto....you are a unique quarry....such a rare catch that I can't deny you that simple request. My name...is Legato......Legato Bluesummers.

"No matter what you do, Mr. Moto.....you are coming with me."

Grandpa looked around for a moment. "You is one crazy mo-fucka to think I'm gonna let my old wrinkly ass be kidnapped again! Now step off, bitch!"

Legato smiled. His eyes narrowed and Grandpa found himself unable to move or speak.

"We could have done this the easy way, Mr. Moto," Legato told Grandpa telepathically. "But I fear I must make things difficult for you."

"What did you do to me?" thought Grandpa.

"I won't hurt you... a damaged grandpa doesn't sell well on the GBM. However, when my associate gets here.....I can't guarantee your safety. He is cunning, ruthless....neither compassionate nor forgiving. He will arrive soon. Prepare yourself.

"Damn," thought Grandpa. "I knew I should have played video poker."

In another section of Vegas...

"Left, right, up, down, right, right-"

"Yugi!" yelled Marik, slightly annoyed. "You don't have to say every step aloud!"

"I, left, can't, down, help, right left, it!" replied Yugi with great difficulty. They were both playing Dance Dance Revolution in the Vegas arcade. It was all Yugi's idea. Somehow, he had conned Bakura and Marik into going to the arcade by telling Marik he wouldn't sing the celery song and telling Bakura about the food.

"Left, right!"

"Ra damn it!" screamed Marik. "I thought I told you to stop!"

Bakura stood behind them, drinking a root beer float. For some reason unknown to Marik, every time he looked over, Bakura would begin licking the spoon and giggling. Marik thought it best to stay facing forward. Finally the song stopped and the dancers caught their breath.

"Do I get to dance with the winner?" asked Bakura hopefully, looking at Marik with a mischievous grin.

"Uh,......right," replied Marik uneasily. For some reason, his eye was twitching uncontrollably.

"Oooooooooooooohhhhh! Look!" squealed Yugi with delight. "It's counting up the score!" Yugi wailed in excitement as a big "F" appeared on his screen. "YEAH, MARIK!" he screamed. "Beat that!" Marik looked at Yugi, then at his own screen, which displayed a large "A."

Bakura smiled and took a sip of his root beer float. "It looks as if you lost, Yugi," he said, still looking at Marik. Marik slightly cringed.

"But I thought the "F" stood for fabulous!" whined Yugi in protest.

"Firstly," began Marik, thoroughly annoyed, "the word is fabulous. And the "F" represents my favorite phrase."

"Friendship?" asked Yugi hopefully.

"No. Fuck you."

Bakura brushed past Yugi, giving him his root beer float to hold. He gracefully stepped onto the dance platform and turned to Marik. "Your wit is simply intoxicating," he said to his opponent. He licked the foam from the root beer float away from his lips. "Well, then," he said with a grin. "Shall we dance?"

Marik shuddered.

In another, whole different part of Vegas....

Joey, Tristan, and Tea were quite content. In twenty minutes, they made $50,000 at a roulette wheel and planned to spend it at the nearby shopping mall.

"Wow, Joey!" exclaimed Tea. "I still don't understand how you managed to guess all those numbers correctly!"

"Ahhhh, it was easy!" he replied. "I just counted how many times you said friendship or friends in the last thirty seconds before the bet! "

"Yeah..." said Tristan, slightly confused. (To the perplexed reader: The only thing Tristan says in this entire fanfic is "yeah." Why? Because everything he says on the show can be literally summed up as "yeah." So, if you see the word "yeah" by itself, it is spoken by Tristan, unless otherwise noted. This message is also here to make the paragraph look bigger )

"Well," began Tea. "Do you know what I think?"

"Do we care what she thinks?" Joey whispered to Tristan.

Tristan smiled and shook his head.

"I think that friend-" began Tea, until she was grabbed from behind by a stranger.

"Tea!" Joey screamed as he whirled around to see the perpetrator. He was a black man who had to at least be in his forties, black clad in a tuxedo and cape, with a matching mask. He held a large knife to Tea's neck.

Joey and Tristan stared at him. "You know what? I think I'll go this way," said Joey, as he and Tristan turned to leave the other way. "Yeah...."

"I suggest you love slide yourselves back over here," began the stranger, "before your friend is no longer one of the happy people."

The YuGiOh! Happy Super Funtime Vegas Adventure Extravaganza will return after this commercial break.

(Marik walks into a bath house and looks around menacingly)

Marik: I have this strange feeling, this urge...(smoke appears)......to.....HERBAL! (Marik rips off his usual attire and has a towel around his waist. Men dressed in tuxedos and women in silver evening gowns appear and begin to do a choreographed dance.)

Chorus: He's got the urge! (A waterfall appears and Marik washes his hair under it.)

Men: Natural Botanicals

Women: He's got the urge to herbal!

Odion: Master Marik!

(Marik sits up in his bed, no longer in the bath house. Odion stands in his doorway.)

Marik: What is it, Odion!

Odion: We have arrived in Battle City, Master Marik.

Marik: (Puts on bathrobe) Excellent! Soon, the power of the pharaoh! But first! (Picks up bottle of Herbal Essences) It's time to Herbal!

Chorus: He's got the urge to herbal!

And now back to the YuGiOh! Happy Super Funtime Vegas Adventure Extravaganza.

Back at the slot machines...

Grandpa was still trapped in Legato's malevolent grasp, a prisoner in his own body. The only thing Grandpa could move was his head. He dare not scream, for if he did, Legato had promised him an excruciating punishment. "A torture so painful," taunted Legato, "any man would gladly welcome his death." Needless to say, Grandpa remained silent.

"After this is over," thought Grandpa, "your ass is so going to jail."

Legato simply laughed, which made Grandpa even more afraid.

"You may make as many threats as you desire to mask your fear," began Legato, smiling, "but such efforts are both childish and futile. I understand.....such stupidity is common here....after all...what are you....but a human? So worthless....insignificant....disgusting. Why the gods made you is still a puzzle to me. However, I can't keep musing about your imperfection.......My associate has just arrived."

Grandpa's heart stopped.

He looked around the room for Legato's accomplice. All he saw were old ladies playing slot machines. He relaxed and his heart slowly resumed its meter. Suddenly, Grandpa felt something on his leg. Looking down, he saw a small black cat with huge green eyes. It jumped on Grandpa's shoulder and purred.

"Aww!" said Grandpa aloud. "You're so cute! What's your name, little fella?"

The cat released its claws and scratched Grandpa's face

"My name," said the cat telepathically, "is Kuro-neko-sama. There is a bomb strapped to your leg, and I will blow your old mother fuckin' ass sky high if you call me cute one mo' again."

Grandpa was stunned. "Legato," he thought with tears streaming down his face. "Am I gonna die?"

Legato grinned at Kuro-neko-sama. "Anything is possible."

"Oh," sighed Grandpa. There was a long pause. "Shit."

In the arcade...

(DAN DAN....plays from the Dance Dance Revolution machine)

"Wow!" said Yugi, watching Bakura and Marik dance on the game. "Bakura and Marik, you two are really good dancers!

"Thank you, Yugi," said Bakura, still dancing. "But I'm only good because Marik is my partner. He really knows how to work it!" Suddenly Marik screamed, kicking the game and causing Yugi to spill Bakura's root beer float on the machine. The music stopped, the screen went blank, and the machine began to smoke.

"Oh shit," said Marik sarcastically. "I guess we can't play anymore."

"Maybe it's not broken!" exclaimed Yugi, examining the machine that was now emitting sparks. He walked over to the machine Bakura and Marik were still standing on. Yugi reached out his hand. "Maybe if I-"

In that other part of Vegas I was telling you about.....

"Hey, what was that explosion?" shouted Joey in shock. "Yeah?" Both were staring in the direction of the arcade; they had a good view of the giant mushroom cloud that now hovered over it.

"Uh, friends?" said Tea uneasily. "You may have forgotten, but I'm in trouble here!"

"Yeah, yeah." "Hey!" said Joey. "What was you're name anyway?"

The stranger who held Tea smiled. "Some call me the "R in R&B" or the "Pied Piper," he said coolly.

"More like the "R in rapist!"" shouted Tea. "Yeah!"

"Or the pied pervert!" yelled Joey. "Yeah!

"Shut up, fool!" said the stranger, pointing his sword at Tristan. "Unless you want to feel the wrath of the Vampire Lord K. Relly! Now," he said looking at Tea, "come with me to my chocolate factory."

Out of nowhere, cherry blossoms began to blow through the breeze and a flute began to play. A stranger with red hair and a cross shaped scar on his left cheek entered the now virtually empty hallway dressed in samurai clothes. "You should put the girl down, that you should," he said quietly.

"Damn!" exclaimed Joey. "Does this place have any security?"

Back where the arcade...um used to be?

"Damn," said Yami Marik to himself. "That's the last time I eat chili that Yami cooks." He stood up slowly, brushing off the rubble and debris from the explosion.

"Shut up, Yami Marik!" said Yami, getting up slowly. "It's not my fault you can't handle it when I kick it up a notch!"

"Will both of you shut up!" said Yami Bakura, removing glass from his hair.

"But he started it!" whined Yami.

"That's only because your chili gave me gas, causing me to destroy this establishment!" protested Yami Marik.

Yami Bakura stared at him blankly. "You dumbass," said Yami Bakura. "That wasn't Yami's fault! His stupid hikari blew up the dance machine! I wonder," said Yami Bakura to Yami. "Was he always this stupid, or did he have to work at it?"

"I wonder," said Yami to Yami Bakura mockingly. "Was your hikari always a fag, or did you turn him?"

"Will both of you shut the fuck up!" screamed Yami Marik. "Wait a minute," he said, pausing. "Where are our hikaris?"

"Do you think they're dead?" asked Yami and Yami Bakura hopefully.

"Not really," began Professor Oak.

CVS, Angel, P101, and Neko: Where did he come from?

Tre: (puts away Pokedex) I'm not sure?

Neko: What the fuck! We just killed you and turned you into chili! (CVS and Angel throw up continuously)

P101: Come on, Neko. (revs chainsaw) We've got a job to finish.

CVS and Angel: Kick his butt with the POWER OF FRIENDSHIP!

Professor Oak calmly walked over to the disgruntled yamis. "You see," he began, "due to the time flux in the Anime Space System, or ASS for short-" Yami started snickering. "What's so funny, Yami?" asked Professor Oak.

"You, ha, you, ha, you said ass! That made me think of Yami Bakura!"

"You dirty little punk," started Yami Bakura, "We'll see how you like that word when my foot is shoved up yours!"

"Right....anyway," continued Professor Oak, "the explosion caused by the cheap electrical circuitry inside the DDR machine, combined with the sugary, creamy, refreshing, and robust flavor of a root beet float, created a super nova in the time flux portal of the space continuum, removing you from your hosts, allowing you to freely roam among the realm of the body, instead of the realm of the soul.

There was a long pause.

"Do what now?" said Yami Marik blankly. The other two were silently confused.

"You know what?" started the professor. "Fuck it." He magically disappeared.

CVS and Angel: How did that happen?

(P101 holds up a bloody chainsaw; Neko holds up a bloody pokedex and smiles)

Yami and Yami Bakura cheered "This means I have freedom!" screamed Yami.

"I can do as I please!" screamed Yami Bakura.

"You fools," said Yami Marik. "We have to find them and return inside of their bodies, or else the consequences could be dire! Since, by the power of friendship, we're kinda connected to our hikaris, if they die, we die!" Yami and Yami Bakura stopped skipping around.

"You know, he's got a point there," stated Yami

"Man! Our hikari's are so stupid, they're bound to get killed!" cried Yami Bakura.

"Ra, help us all," sighed Yami Marik.

In a whole 'nother part of Vegas....

Yugi lie in a dark alleyway. The street was damp and the ground was littered with trash. The smell of garbage and rotting flesh filled the area. It was very dark; Yugi could barely see. I don't sense Yami! What happened? Yugi quickly got to his feet, then tripped over a trash bag. He began to sob silently. Two sets of footsteps rang through the alley. They belonged to two young boys around Yugi's age. One had blue hair, grey eyes, and wore gray pants and a dark shirt. The second one had black hair, pulled back into a ponytail, brown eyes and wore traditional style Chinese clothes. Both of them carried flashlights.

"Kai," said the black haired one. "Are you sure that wasn't a dying cat you heard?"

"Trust me, Rei," Kai said, shining his light on Yugi. "I know fresh meat when I see it." Rei walked over to Yugi. "Say, little boy," he began, "How would you like to come with us?"

"Wow!" said Yugi, thinking he just found a girlfriend. "So," he said in a sad attempt to be smooth, "What do you two fine ladies want this evening?"

"Ladies?!" said Kai, doing his best to restrain himself.

"Uh...yeah...we'd like you to join us," said Rei, winking at Yugi.

"Ohhhhhh, So what do you wanna do?"

"Let it rip," said Kai blankly.

"You mean fart?" asked Yugi, very confused. "Because I didn't eat at the airport Taco Bell, so I-"

"NO! SHUT THE HELL UP!" screamed Kai.

"Uh...he means we'll show you when we get there, 'kay?" said Rei, trying to cover for Kai.

Yugi followed Kai and Rei with a mischievous smile. Aww snap! Yugi thought. This means I'm a mother fudging p-i-m-p!

TO BE CONTINUED

(CVS, P101, Angel, and Neko arrive at a club called the Bi-Shonen Bar)

CVS: And so, that's it for chapter three! If this one doesn't get death threats, I don't know what will.

Angel: You know, I guess you should have said you don't own, Trigun, Ruroni Kenshin, Pokemon, Beyblade, Preparation H, Herbal Essences, or America the Beautiful.

CVS: Heh heh, yeah. Just don't say anything, lawyers might be reading. (not that anyone reads this in the first place....)

P101: (sharpens chainsaw) I can't afford my fiftieth strike! How many judges do I have to kill before they get rid of that law! Right, Neko? Neko?

Neko: (inside Bi-shonen Bar) YEAH, LORD ILPALAZO! TAKE IT OFF!

CVS: And yet another show we don't own. Angel, you better go get her...

Angel: Will do! (enters the bar)

CVS: Look forward to chapter 4- LSD (love, sex, and drugs) because the wonderful pure hearted angel of love told you to!

P101: (revs chainsaw) And I'll cut your fucking head off if you don't!

CVS: And yet another good reason! (backs away from P101)

Neko and Angel: (Inside BSB beating up Rin from Inuyasha another show we don't own ) I thought I told you, bitch! Sesshomaru is mine!

P101: Rin better not be with my man!

CVS: I'm a kill that fool! But first: OBEY THE ANGELIC OVERLORD!

Rin: I knew him first! He only loves me!

CVS and P101: What'd she say? Aw, hell no! (Run into the Bi-shonen Bar)

if you love us....you'll send us reviews...right?


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